ITS KILLING ME

i dont know what's wrong wit me...what i know is tat i REALLY HATE this feeling..how can i ever describe this feeling. its really killing me... kenapa nie tasha....!!!! YA ALLAH, y this feeling? y? i tot i will never experience it again..i cant believe its haunting me back. is this KARMA?

what are you!! i dont like this so called unstable mood n feeling. damn it. plis....im not mad at anyone,angry or anything.yeah maybe this is what i've been going through..BREAK DOWN. even an luxury expensive machine can break down how come i didnt stand a chance to accept tat im going through BREAK DOWN?

what i can say now is that, I WANNA CRY SO BAD...REALLY BAD! even now..my tears r falling.. i need my best fren so bad so i can cry on her shoulder. i wan my hana..she can make me smiles in seconds. i wanna hang out n sleep over wit all my cronies. chatting,putting mask on each other, gossiping about our love life, play a cathcy song n dance till we drop.
I ADMITTED I AM A WOMEN TAT CANT STAND A TINY LONELINESS......its not an easy confession to be made by a women itself. but tats doesnt mean tat i am an attention seeker but i've always need that SOMEONE. i dont wan to be the one that cry the loudest,i hate being alone. ALONE where u feel all the silent. silent kills me because it scream the truth...

when loneliness appears, the only thing i want to do sooo bad is get myself busy doing things i dont even wanna remember, doing things that can make my this annoy feeling go away, make things tat i will regret in my future,make things tat i dont even like n after all tat stupid actions..i will realize i've affected all the people around me.im sorry if this BEHAVIOUR is going to be a constant BEHAVIOUR u will have to handle in future. the blame is on me.

i think there more than life than just chasing all this these temporary HIGH to satisfied me. im sorry for all this mess confused unmoral confession post....it happened all the time. i dont have the strenght to control over it n it goes the other way round.



i wish i am not natasha lai. yea.i mean it. i wish no one know me n loves me coz by the end of the day i know i will only break their heart.

hormone OH hormone!!!!

aku benchik kau hormone...arrghhh! ang punya pasai aku kena dok mcm pmpn gila mengkrekotkan diri atas katil tanpa suara selain suara ARRGHHH!! sakit la bodo. well kena la dia visit aku setiap bulan tanpa henti dan bosan. itu memang xdapat dinafikan.

aku gagah jgk nk new post sbb aku dh xtaw nk buat apa atas katil nie.sat skt sat xskt.sat tu skt sampai tahap rs mcm nk kuaq anak sorang. pttlah SYURGA tu dibawah tapak kaki ibu..apa kena mgena lak nie.aku dh mula mrpek. disini aku menulis post nie smbil makan laksa dan secawan kofi kacip fatimah dan dimana DIET ini sgt xsihat bagi aku sekarang nie.awat la ang nie ssh dgq ckp tasha oiii.....

YA ALLAH...sakitnya Tuhan ja taw. rs mcm nk ambik pisau n toreh2 perot aku n kuaqkan binatang yg menyebabkan kesakitan itu. pain...plis go away...plis...im begging u..plis..T_T

*******ubat menstrual pink tu mmg xberkesan bg aku!! daymn it. T_T********

im not perfect...yes im not! dont expect it from me.plis

yeah im not perfect. n i dont even try to be one.so plis stop expecting it. saya selalu xpaham org.why? is it im sooo selfish till i cant understand other people? i dun know. it is not tat i didnt try to but geez! i really hate tis feeling. go away u stupid feeling.

everything is going up side down. i cant do it anymore. im too weak for all this. i havent fully recover from my last HEART BROKEN..n still im greedy to catch for another HEART ATTACK. n now i dont know whether i can go through tis.

plis i dont want to cry anymore. i made my mind to ABOLISH the word CRY from my life dictionary. ive been there n done tat. i really dont want to go through this anymore. MAYBE IT TRUE.MAYBE ITS BETTER TO CARRY ON LIFE ALONE. by tat, i cant hurt anyone. its the only way.


p/s: sorry i dont have the strength like u have. i have tat once,but i lost it few years back. =(

EMPTY vs HAPPY versi II

on my last few posts there's a post empty vs happy....the end of the post i wrote Emptiness is leading...but now what i can say is that YEY! HAPPINESS is daymn LEADING....fishy n turtle.happily ever after...hahahah....

im SOOOOOOOOO happy.....lalalalallalalalalalalalla........ =) mei mia amor...wo ai nie..bahahahhaha!

RAYA KETIGAKU>>>>>> ^^

today adalah raya ketiga.apa ayat aku nie.mcm budak skolah ja.ok2.next. teman eman p cr tcket blk kl at jeti but tutup la plak plusliner tu so we went off to Gurney Plaza sbb eman nk beli kasut for his sis.dh smp tu cr la kedai nose.try2 kasut yg nk beli then meet mummy at GSC then went down to food court makan.

after makan,ikut eman g parking lot sbb he say he got sumthing for me.heheheh.=) i dapat anak! anak ikan emas! so cute.n confession has been made. wee....im SOOO HAPPY.been smiling till abis tgk movie Tsunami with familia. hahaha.gila angau beb.

total tcket mummy bought was 16tcket for Tsunami movie.wah gila lawak movie tu awal2...xdak pon batang idong tsunami but after tat moment2 half and hour b4 finish..daymn stupid Tsunami buat aku nanges.dh la aku nie gila sensetip,sedih sikit nanges.seb baek eman xtgk skali klu x nmpk sudah muka buruk aku nanges.hahahah.=)

we went off from Gurney around 9sumthing.tergedek2 aku lari kat keta sbb nk tgk ikan emas aku.huh.seb baek idop lg.ksian dia.tu pon dh nk nyawa2 ikan.takot gila aku...so after cr kedai yg we all always go,dh tutup la plak so xjd,so smua went to tokwan house dok lepak2 sembang.then after tat round midnight br p mkn rmi2 kat kedai nearby beach.GILA XSEDAP!!! TOBAT aku xp dh kedai tu! dl kedai tu gila mmg sedap,dh tukaq owner.dh la service mcm taik.bengong mcm xphm bhsa melayu.sorry.aku mmg xpuaih aty...mintak cili potong bg sambai belacan.xka bangang?nasi dh nk abis br nk bg cili ptong.dh tu ckit lak.msk celah gigi ja.hhahahaha.

hari ni adalah tarikh keramat for me..22/09/2009....kan turtle?? agaknya TUHAN dgq doa aku slama nie.maybe this is it. =) tei amor turtle...^^

RAYA KEDUAKU>>>>>

i cant make it to taiping with eman.coz wat ha?sb xsempat nk inform mummy.
then get ready to go to mak long house.but really wanted to go taiping.maybe next time.=)

but b4 tat we all singgah at tesco for mcd.sbb dh lapaq mcd sgt.mummy la yg lapaq.not me.
arrive at gelugoq mak long house around 7sumthing.right b4 maghrib. tgk2 tv,mkn2 muruku (raya kena mkn muruku,xka merepek,mak long oh mak long),sembng2,gelak2(rutin faveret family ku),then only mkn.after tat,sambung blk smua rutin td smbil tgk movie congkak,gelak n tgk kehenseman shah rukh khan dlm movie om shanti om.,eh btoi ka aku eja.ntah la,layan ja la.
rounf 11sumthing br gerak blk.had so much fun taking pics,laughing with family n msg-ing him...=)
i upload dlm facebook ja la.mls nk upload 2 3 tmpt.huhu...

suppose to go to dzariff house beraya but xsempat sbb asyik ralek ja dok kat umah mak long.haizz.sorry dzariff.tomorow k.=) ok dh la.penat la nk tulis byk2.penat beraya.hahha.^^

RAYA PERTAMAKU>>>>>>

hari ini rasa indah sungguh sbb nie lah pagi raya,bgn siap2...main makeup2 jap.tolong mummy msak rendang.then layan family.

my fren org pertama yg mai umah is eman.mummy was really excited about he dtng beraya.haizz.
after mkn2 rndang.we r off to his house..mkn2 rendang lg.mkn cookies mak eman buat,main dgn bo0.tgk cita KISAH SITI...aisyeh man.dh xtaw nk wat pa.teka2 lagu,main2 guitar.apa lagi ha.igt nk wat trip pusing kampung but ujan so cancelled. n wujud lak terma baru IKAN EMAS BUNTAL.hahahha.daymn eman.seb baek dan delete.pdn muka ang eman! hahahaha.

went back home b4 maghrib.arip hantarkan.after a while,ttdoq lak smp 11sumthing.
unty layla came n bring laksa gurney.mkn2 then go n pump tayar at petronas then p umah farhana beraya sat.after tat p mcd sunrise mkn..saja lepak sembang.

coming back tyme,tayar keta pecah.YA ALLAH rs cm nk mati pon ada.sbb xtaw nk cp apa kat mummy bout tat tayar.pecah tahap xleh tampal okay! pecah yg tahap kena tukaq br.abis la duet raya aku! hahaha.alot of thingy happen.but thank god everything was settled.alhamdullillah.just tingai 1 lg beban iaitu how to tell mummy.eh lupa.THANK SO MUCH to ah bear n her god bros yg mai satu keta smp 4 org hero tlng tukaq tayar.tima kasih sgt2.klu xsilap i nama hero 2 ah yong.hahaha.

well..i had a really great time n enjoyed.thx Juboq.hahaha.=) i hope u had fun to0.rindu bo0..oh ya b4 i lupa eman kata nk bg duet raya sebanyak 1.35sen. thank ya.tp blom dpt.hahha.nk tin love tu skali ya.hahaha.aku xleh lupa bdk2 yg mai umah nk beraya tu...=0